This morning I wrote Jan. 1, 2021 in my journal. And man, that felt good. I know that a new year doesn’t make last year disappear and in fact, I don’t want 2020 to disappear. It was scrappy and tough and confusing and overwhelming. But I’ve learned that it’s in the mire when we learn our best lessons and grow the most.
Though I journaled almost every day in 2020 and wrote numerous columns and stories for other publications, I’ve neglected this blog. In 2012 I created Zealous Mom and it’s been a lifeline through numerous joys and sorrows. Since my divorce, I’ve experienced severe mom guilt on multiple levels. All moms can relate to mom guilt. The reasons may be different, but we still know how brutal the guilt feels.
I think because “mom” is in the title of my blog, I didn’t feel worthy to continue writing as I had in the past. Who am I to give other moms advice when my life always feels slightly out of control? Who am I as a divorced woman to offer suggestions and tips to moms who are happily nestled within an in-tact family?
But you know, after a lot of reflection in 2020, I don’t think me being a different type of mom or woman or person should prevent me from putting my words out there. Even if I inspire just one reader, that means something. I once blogged three times a week diligently. I’m not going to make an unrealistic resolution and say that I’m going to start blogging all the time again, but I’m going to challenge myself to get on here as much as my heart and mind feel like it.
My boys aren’t little anymore so my posts won’t be about diapers or nursing or sticker charts or planning elaborate birthday parties. Nonetheless, I will always be a mother so parenting will weave in and out of almost every story I write. In 2021, my posts may be about finances or cooking or traveling or being madly in love. I have no idea what they’ll be about but I can guarantee they will be raw and honest and with the intent to connect to whomever is reading them.
In thinking about goals and resolutions, I landed on one thing. In 2021, I am going to be unapologetically me, to no longer feel bad or guilty about the trajectory of my life. My journey has been unique and different, but all of our journeys are that way and none of us should apologize for who we are. As we enter into this new year, I am going to leave you with the words of writer Neil Gaiman. I took a picture of this sign on Jan. 1, 2016, but the words will forever ring true.
Happy New Year, loves! Let’s make it a good one.
