Half of My Heart Here, the Other There

More than one wise, veteran parent has emphasized to me the value of going on “dates” with your children individually. Whether to make the child feel special or to enjoy one child’s uniqueness just for a little while is very important. As the mom of two, I understand this.

So when my mom, Brooks, and I decided to fly to D.C. to visit my sister, the idea sounded enticing. I can admit that for about 19 months now, Brooks has gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to attention, when compared to his baby brother. Not by others perhaps, but probably by me. My mom and I booked the flights, and I waited to feel the excitement.

I was overjoyed about seeing my sister. She’s my best friend, and we can’t help but have a blast together. I couldn’t wait to see my niece. She’s girly and fun, and as the mom of two boys, I love being around her. Further, my brother-in-law always makes a great host, offering to watch the kiddos so the big girls can have some time alone. Then there’s the city itself. I’ve always loved D.C. With it’s political downtown, historic suburbs, delicious restaurants, and many free kid-friendly activities, you can’t help but enjoy yourself.

Nevertheless, I wasn’t getting that giddy feeling I normally get before a trip. As one who loves to travel, I’m very familiar with it, and it was glaringly absent. I soon realized I wasn’t getting it because a piece of my heart was going to be left back in North Carolina. I was devastated about leaving my sweet Baby Case. In fact, the day we left I cried the entire day.

It feels strange not functioning around his naps, not hearing his squeals, not listening for him on the monitor, not having him on my hip. While in D.C., Brooks has been sleeping until 7:30 and with Case not here to wake me up at 5:45am, I’m feeling rather disoriented and oddly over-rested.

With all of that being said, however, I can still step outside of  myself and see the significance of doing things alone with each child. For me, though, those “things” need to be one or two days, at least until my boys are a bit older. Strangely enough, it’s easier to be away from both of them because then at least they’re together. Each night, we’ve Face Timed with Case (thank you, Apple) and after smiling and talking to me for a bit, he’ll say, “Where Brooks?”

My mother-in-law has done an incredible job taking care of my sweet boy this week, and how awesome is my husband to let me go on this fun trip and leave behind half of our family? I feel blessed beyond measure, for those here with me in D.C. and for those back in North Carolina.

In the end, I’ve made amazing memories with my big boy. We can always talk about our ‘solo’ trip to D.C. together. I’ve been reminded what a cool, unique kid he is.

It seems like nothing is easy when you’re a mom. The good makes you cry. The hard makes you cry. But in the end, all the tears are absolutely worth it. Wouldn’t you agree?

For now, I’m signing off to enjoy my last day in D.C. with my sister and anticipate squeezing the giggles out of my little monkey tomorrow.